sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
