I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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