If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
