Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
