I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
