You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
