The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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