the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
