I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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