Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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