I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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