Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
