That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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