my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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