im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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