do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
