our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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