And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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