McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
