I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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