Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
