I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I AM VODKA MAN
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
