I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
