I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
