All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
