Need sex. Gaining weight.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
