this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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