why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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