a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
