Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
