His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
