Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
