Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
