He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
