just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
