Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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