my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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