You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
