so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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