she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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