I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
