Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
