i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
