I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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