I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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