I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I need to calm my uterus...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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