I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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