I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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