how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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