he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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