i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
